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How to Be Happy by Choosing Your Own Thoughts...Conversation with Anna Jackowska & Samia Bano

SAMIA: Hello, Salam, Shalom, Namaste, Aloha, Sat Sri Akal, Holah, Bonjour and Ciao! It's so good to be here with you today. And I'm especially excited because today I have with me Life Coach, Anna Jackowska, and we are going to talk about the power of choosing our own thoughts and the power of our perspective... it's one of my favorite topics. I'm so excited, woohoo! So Anna please, please, will you jump in and tell us more about yourself and what you do?

 

ANNA: Sure! Hello, hello, everybody, hello Samia. My name is Anna Jackowska and I'm a Life Coach. I just become life coach during this crazy times... pandemic... it hits the whole world. So I found you know it's never too late to start new career. It's been in me for so many years, I never had time like really focus on it. And as a mom of two amazing girls... it's like life is so busy! But now I decided like it's not only for me, it's about others. I see so many people suffering around… And I found like certification is the first key, the first factor... I really have to go through education, and just start doing what was in my heart for so many years. So I'm just the example of starting new life, starting new career, and being 40... It's just still your life can start any age... don't really limit yourself, it's never too late to make your dreams come true and live your life, live your purpose. I found my purpose. And I feel like I live the example for like so many, so many people that I can really show that it's never too late to change your life.

 

SAMIA: Yes, that's awesome. And I know you're also being an amazing example for your kids. I'm sure, as especially they grow older, they will really, really, appreciate this example that you're setting for them. Because so many of us, you know, we just get stuck in doing what we think society expects us to do. And we get stuck doing jobs that we hate, and maybe in relationships that we don't feel passionate about… But we just bear with it and just settle for good enough... but you are setting an example for all of us and especially your kids, you know, to strive for more than that... to strive for doing what you love and strive to live a life of passion. I just love it! Thank you so much.

 

ANNA: You're welcome, my pleasure.

 

SAMIA: Yeah... so tell me more about this... I know you're very passionate about this idea of choosing our own perspective and the power of that, you know, and... can you give me like some examples, or just tell me more about what you mean by that, and how you apply that in your life and in your coaching?

 

ANNA: For sure, for sure. We can, you know, we live the life with like so many unexpected things happening, right. We have, sometimes we have control of things, sometimes unfortunately we don't. So what is all about I think to live happy and healthy and balanced life, it's about how am I dealing with the stress, how we deal with unexpected things happening, how we deal with the stress... how we deal with like maybe some unhappiness, or some like relationship breakage... something that we're not ready for and life happens. Those things happens, they are like... Every day we blessed. But even if those happens, we have to think, what is the lesson? What we need to learn out of it? We need to... we get smarter every time something bad happens. What doesn't kill us... It's only one way, it makes us stronger. So just believe in it, that, it's like, don't think, don't get upset too much, don't spend too much time on getting upset, or having stress. Because it's number one killer, and it's the cause of lots of illnesses. Just try to stand up, move on. You probably always have someone who is worth to live for. And find the friends, find supportive, someone supportive, look for help, look for a coach, look for a friend, look for a member of the family to talk to, to go through this... And just try to move on as fast as you can, as strong as you able to do... Don't waste your time, because it's like, it's not worth it. You will not change it. You will many times... it's just what if... what happened happened, and it's just the past. Put it to the box in the past. Try to focus on what's now, on like what I've learned out of this lesson, what I've learned of like after this bad relationship, or what I learned after, you know, having a day, or losing job... Or you know, like one of my example I can give you from my clients history... You know, during the pandemic so many people lost the job. So it was number one problem... people were stuck, they didn't know where to move from, like, go to, like, what's now? Many people live for their job unfortunately. Their job is like the main purpose of life. We don't see other things around because we're so focused, we're so drained, and we just want to pay bills. Most of the time people just focus on basic things, and like job is our life. It's a very, very, very, important part of our life of course. I'm not saying no. But, when anything happens... happens for a reason, it's meant to be. Sometimes it's like one of my clients lost her job, didn't know what to do. But I just said, “You know what? once we stress we're losing creative thinking, we don't see things around, we don't see opportunities”. And once we go through and talking, so like, about, like, many aspects of her life, all those passions, hobbies, about her past... what did she like to do? Because the job wasn't really what she really liked to do, honestly. It was just for a money purpose, just to pay bills, and didn't really bring her any passion, and like it wasn't her ambition even. So I said, “You know what, if it happens, it happens. What we should do now, what we focus on, maybe we should really change it into some positives now. Maybe it's the time you can start your life the way you really create, you really want to live. Not because you just received a job and you stuck for years in the same position with no prospects. And maybe that's the waking up call”.

 

SAMIA: Yeah.

 

ANNA: So, once she started to thinking about her passion for creating things... she was, she's really like artistic person. She likes to draw, and she started to create, create art. And like, it was so amazing. Like it was so many things inside her she just locked, locked in the... in the like, huge, you know... Like a huge key, and she forgot about it. She forgot what really brought her happiness and peace. So even through this hard time, through the art, she became more peaceful, she started to think about her future, and you know, like being more open to people showing, selling online, and started new career. What if she like... it was unexpected... but she turned the bad, the bad experience, and the suffering, into something that it was in her for so many years. And she wouldn't really uncover it if she didn’t lose her job. So it was just so amazing stories that it's like when I hear... we just need a little bit of... not like a pinch, like, you know, like wake up… Like don't really stuck in this hole, the black hole without the exit... There is always an exit, you just need to find it, you just need to find it. And I have really nice photo, Samia, if you like to show it...

 

SAMIA: Sure!

 

ANNA: I saw it on Facebook, and I really like it. Because like I see, like, so many people have this, like dealing with it right now. So it's very difficult for many. But this photo, like very simple photo, shows it all. And sometimes I feel like image speaks a lot, and maybe people will remember it. So I just would like to show you what it says... Here we have like a piece of pencil, and it says, you know, "Sometimes in life everything goes smoothly. And sometimes unexpected happens. The important thing is knowing how to turn problem into opportunities". And this is like what I would like to present you.

 

SAMIA: Oh! That's beautiful, that's beautiful. I love this kind of sayings, and this one is awesome. Yes!

 

ANNA: It's like you see... like, this is it. Like we can have more than we really even thought about it before... Something bad happens and we all think it's the end of the world. It's never the end of the world. It's maybe just the new beginning.

 

SAMIA: Yes! That's so true, that's so true. I agree with you. You know one of my favorite sayings is about how what you focus on expands. And if you are focusing on the problem then the problem expands. But if you shift your perspective and start to focus on the solutions, then the solutions begin to expand.

 

ANNA: For sure, it's like, it's law of attraction, right. What we focus on, we attract more and more and more

 

SAMIA: Yeah. <

 

ANNA: That's what it's all about. That's what I believe, and why I'm spreading the message about it too. Because the book, “Secret”, actually opened my eyes. And it's like I started to see the world, and my inner world, and my outside world, like in different perspective, thanks to this book. Like, what we think, everything starts with our thoughts, then how we speak, like how we treat other people, and how we treat everything around us.... everything matters, every word matters. So that's why we need to live with more awareness.

 

SAMIA: Yes.

 

ANNA: To create this beautiful life for us, that's what all matters. If someone is miserable from morning till night time, I, very like... I don't see any changes... nothing amazing will happen... because you don't really... you're not, you're not ready for it.

 

SAMIA: Yeah.

 

ANNA: You need to be happy. And you need to, like, attract like-minded people, you need to attract the happiness around, create abundance for yourself... we/it's our responsibility for our life. We don't have anyone to blame. We can't blame anyone but us for our circumstances. And we, and we're the ones who are agree to them, or we are the one who gonna change it.

 

SAMIA: That's... at some point that, you know... if we get into a mindset where we are blaming other people or circumstances for our own situation and our own feelings, then it sort of disempowers us. It's like, “okay, well, I'm not responsible. It's those other people, or it's life circumstances"... And so it takes power away from you and gives it to those other people and to those circumstances. And then definitely, for sure, if you are not the one in control of the situation, then of course it's going to be extremely difficult and hard to change it.

 

ANNA: For sure, I agree Samia. It's like a ship without a Captain, you know. It's like where the ship goes... it would be like, you know, it will not go far without specific tools, without specific people, important people on the boat. It's the same with the plane... it's with everything... like person without the goals, person without... like allowing all bad things to happen... like sometimes, sometimes… I believe it's hard to... very it's hard to say... it's very harsh... but some people are victims and they're victims all life. So don't allow to be a victim, don't allow yourself to be a victim, because you can choose. No one really can have power over you. You are the one who chooses how to live your life, it's just you. It's responsibility... is, it's good word... It's like the key factor to really, to really consider it... like, whether I'm controlled... Am I responsible person? Because like we're growing, and then we have kids, and like, how we can be responsible for kids, if we're not responsible for ourselves?

 

SAMIA: Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Why do you think people fall into the victim mentality, and why do we stay there?

 

ANNA: I think it's kind of comfort zone and fear… because they say, you know, the devil we know it's better than the devil we don't know. And it's like, it's bit true about what it's saying. Because, you know, like people think women, many women probably, you know... this topic is related to women mostly. It's like they know what to expect... they like, they are mentally abused, they might be physically abused, and they don't have power to really leave the circumstances... They don't see them, they don't see the opportunity, they don't seek any help outside, because they may be so afraid. They stuck mentally… someone is controlling them, someone is like overpowering them... that's why like many people suffer like all life, and they don't know where to look for help. It's about finding one person. I always believe the world can be changed by one person... it's the person who suffers, she or he is the one to go and look for help. If they're not gonna, if they don't go out and look for help, how anyone can help them? It's about the courage. It's about like one day saying, "Enough is enough, I'm not going to suffer anymore, that's it! I deserve something better. Life is too short to waste it, life is too short to be a victim. All my life I suffer enough, it's something better in me". But the person has to grow, and it has to be sometimes dramatic. And it has to like... one day has to come, and the person needs to say, like, "Stop, I'm gonna do on my... like, I'm gonna live my way", right?

 

SAMIA: Yeah.

 

ANNA: That's what's like sometimes. And it's even when it comes to abusing, it's about even like changing the mindset of anything... Like going to work we don't like, being in a relationship we don't feel passionate, or like any part of our lives... or losing a job, and thinking, "Oh my gosh, it's the end of the world". Or like not controlling something. It's like, you know what, just sit down, and calm, and try to, try to find your inner peace. Try to, try to, relax and listen to some, you know like, motivational videos, read nice books. Sometimes, like you know, like, even in my circumstance, even in my case, I use pandemic to live in my dream. I use pandemic to really make certificates, to really make certifications. And it wasn't easy. I did it in the night time. Can you imagine?! I had like two kids, busy life... Don't even think I did it during the day, no way! I did it during the nighttime, because I didn't want to waste... And I said, if I don’t now, when is the time? Now it's like lockdown... nothing, no entertainment, kids are not going to school... like, everything like... what can I do to make it more interesting? What can I do to change these bad circumstances into something I'm going to be proud of at the end of the day?! And we always have this opportunity in every situation. We just don't see it, or we're just too scared. We just live with like with the fear inside, or we're not ready, or like how we see, we have the tendency of seeing things worse than they actually are... That's another story... In our psychology, and our brain, is constructed the way to really save us and protect us. And that's why we just really... it's hard for us to get out from our comfort zone. Even if it's so bad, we still stuck inside, even if it's really bad... That's why it takes, it takes time for people to really get out even with the help of professionals. It still takes time. They need few consultations. It's not like easy transformation. For many people it's from going like to so many different steps. But try small step, try something new, something small, try like small steps going out of... do something that you never did before... go places, enjoy life, because life is not guaranteed. That's what saying... it's life we receive it and we should respect it, we should be happy every day, and we should focus not only on also like on us, but also focus on others around us who need our help. But we can't help if we don't help ourselves... So we have to start from us and then we can share the love, we can share the knowledge, we can help others. And then we see our life will get better, we'll get better.

 

SAMIA: Yes. You raised a lot of really important points. And just one thread that I want to sort of emphasize is the importance of seeking help. Because if there's something that you have been struggling with for a long time, and you're trying to do things to help yourself and it's not been working, you need to do something different. And probably you need a different perspective than what you have for yourself. And so that's where asking for help can come in really handy and be really important. I will just say one thing about asking for help is, especially in cases of abuse like you mentioned, one of the unfortunate things that happens is that people who are being abused, when they actually reach out for help, then oftentimes the people that they reach out to unfortunately react in a very bad way. Or they give them advice that's actually not only not helpful but actually harmful. And so it can become very discouraging. I know actually because I used to work for four years on a sexual assault and domestic violence hotline. And this happened again and again and again where people actually would look for help, they would try to leave the abusive relationship. But they weren't able to get the help and support that they needed because people kept giving them really, really, bad advice, or wrong advice, or just refusing to help them outright, you know. And so there is also... it's a very difficult situation to be in... difficult, difficult process. And it's terrible to put this burden on the person who is suffering so much already. But I just want to give the message that, you know, please don't give up. If the people you have reached out to help you so far have not been able to help you, or refuse to help you, please still don't give up. Know that help is out there. And I think one of the things I'll go ahead and do is... I know about the US National Domestic Violence hotline, and I will make sure I include the information for that in our show notes. And Anna if you know, because I know you are not in the US, you are in Brazil, so if you have...

 

ANNA: Canada.

 

SAMIA: Oh, Canada! Why was/I'm thinking you're in Brazil? Okay, that's cool. So if you know of any resources like in Canada, please let me know. And then we will include those in the show notes too.

 

ANNA: Yeah, for sure, for sure.

 

SAMIA: Awesome.

 

ANNA: So that's what I... because we are approaching to thanksgiving as well, and we mentioned we're going to talk about the mindset shift and how people think, and I just would like to... just I prepare like some very powerful, but an important photo I would like to present you Samia, if you allow.

 

SAMIA: Please!

 

ANNA: Because it's like what when you said, it's about like different circumstances and different perspectives. Like people who suffers in any reason, and no one should suffer, and always should be held there... It's very, it's very hard, it's very, you know, sad that after your experience you told me, I didn't really realize... like I think the system doesn't work as it should. But you know, the thing is about like, do not give up. Because I believe in those, it's like you're going to the store, it's like you're going to anywhere, like, for like to the doctor's appointment... one doctor is, you know, like in bad day or good day... everything depends, you know. We don't know the circumstances of all other people as well. And sometimes the, I don't want to say wrong people are in the specific organizations... but maybe they're not trained well.

 

SAMIA: Right.

 

ANNA: I think they may be not trained well, or they need more compassion, or they need more education when it comes to psychology too. It's not just like oh an organization, they pay, they work... whether they work or they don't work, they have the salary, and they don't really care what they do... I think... But I believe once you try, just keep knocking, just keep checking, keep knocking. It's about your life, don't allow anyone rule your life, so... and ruin your life. Because you finally find the right person. And now in the life of connections, like you know we can be in Brazil, we can be in US, we can be in Russia... whenever we are you can find help online. You don't need to even walk to the charity, like to the shelter to them, you know... like the, like calling... you can call abroad. If you don't find a person that you like to talk to, or searching for help... it's, you know, call abroad, call different time zone, find someone online, find someone on Facebook. There are like so many free lines all across the globe. But you just need to think and plan and just call. And it's specific period of time that, it's like, you need to really like relax... during the relaxation time... meditation… It helps you open this click. This is like, “yeah, I can do this, I can do this". We see more creative this way. So don't let anything... you know, continue, if you don't feel it's like not right, and it's like you just struggle every day, and it's upsetting, and it's sad, and it's killing you inside... Because it's not worth it. It's not belief... It's not your purpose on this earth to suffer. No. We all should be happy, and live the life we deserve to.

 

SAMIA: That's right.

 

ANNA: That's what's very important, and that's why I just brought very funny photo I found online. And it's like, it's been in my head for so many, so many years. And I just would like to show all of you because, you know, how we compare and how like shifting our perspective, right.

 

SAMIA: Yes.

 

ANNA: So we can see here like on this, on the first photo, we can see people like complaining, "Oh my gosh this one is the newer car, this person has amazing life because it has like the newest model"... whatever car you can imagine, right. And it's upset because it's like he or she can't just afford it to have this color or this brand. Another photo we can see the cyclist...

 

SAMIA: Yes.

 

ANNA: The cyclist who is really like next to the... this you know like, car… like no brand car. And he really enjoyed... like he really think, "How can I afford? It's amazing to have the car"... This is the point of view of the cyclist seeing that white car, saying like, “how amazing it would be to have the car... I have just a bicycle. If the rain falls like I'm all wet. It's not really nice, I can't go too far"... and it's like different point of view, right. Then we see someone is walking. So it doesn't matter the weather, it's like walking, or has to rely on the bus, or has to rely on subways, right. And see the cyclist, and saying, "How amazing he has, he has the bicycle to really move... and it's like, you know, to be faster, to get more things done”... And then we have the handicapped person just seeing everything from the balcony, right.

 

ANNA: And it's like, how is for us... like seeing those things? It's about like, you know, how appreciate, how we should appreciate things because what we have someone is just praying now to have the life... We have both hands, we have both legs, we have car or bicycle... whatever we have, we should appreciate what we have. Because someone next door doesn't have even this. So I think it's like amazing message for the season of thanksgiving, to live the life with appreciation, and just never give up. Never give up, and just fight for yourself.

 

SAMIA: Yes, if you have the... you have the power of choosing your thoughts, choosing your perspective, to choose a perspective of gratitude, of solutions... And that will actually help you to get unstuck in the ways that you feel stuck, and begin to attract more of what you really desire, and magnetize it into your life… Yay! Awesome! Thank you so much Anna. That was like perfect, that was like so amazing. Is there any last words of wisdom you would love to share with us right now?

 

ANNA: I just would like to share the love with everybody who's watching us and who's gonna listen. And I'm just like, you know, we are like living in this world... like difficult time it's for everybody, so just, you know, like have a hope, live with faith, and it's gonna be better. Don't worry, everything is temporary. So, don't let... don't let this stuck in you. Just, like, enjoy life every day slowly, and think about opportunities in life. What life wants to teach you… Think about this way, and it will help.

 

SAMIA: I love it! Focus on what you can learn from whatever...

 

ANNA: For sure.

 

SAMIA: Awesome! Thank you so much Anna again... Yes, I'm sure lots of people will be inspired by what you have shared with us and benefit from that. And everyone, I'm going to make sure that we add Anna's contact info in the show notes, so please get in touch with Anna. Get in touch with me, if you want help and support. We're here to help you, and we love you, and we will see you next time :).

 

ANNA: Thank you, all the best :).


To connect with Anna, visit:


Here is a resource for women who may be dealing with abuse in Toronto:


If you're in the United States, you can get help from:

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